Boss Battles Gone Wrong!
by LocalTalent53
Summary: Link can't get a break these days, not with these crazy bosses! From an aggravating Bongo Bongo to a Kalle Demos lawsuit, madness is bound to occur for the hero who dares face these out of whack creatures. Rated T for mild violence and slight sexual humor.
1. Kalle Demos

Hello everyone! LocalTalent53 here. Sorry this one is so short, but I had some trouble on getting started. Anyway, there will be longer ones. I hope you enjoy chapter 1!

Disclaimer: All characters and places in this chapter are copyright by Nintendo and its respected companies.

Boss Battles Gone Wrong!

Boss 1: Kalle Demos Lawsuit

Link stepped into the boss room. There he saw Makar, waving to him excitedly. "Aw, what a cute little guy!" shouted Link, and he ran over to hug the little Korok. However, before he could, Makar was swallowed up by Kalle Demos!

"Ha! I'm going to pwn you, foo!" exclaimed the beast as it rose to the ceiling of the room. Link drew his boomerang, and so began the battle to save Makar. "Take this, foo!" bellowed Kalle Demos as he attacked Link with his vines. Link brought up his shield and flung his boomerang at the vines attached to the ceiling. Five of them were snapped, and Link went at it again. The process repeated until it was almost over.

"No fair!" shouted Kalle Demos, but before he could say anything else, Link snapped the last vine that held Kalle Demos to the ceiling. He collapsed, and his true, baba self was revealed. As Link approached, an evil grin on his face, he drew out his Hero's Sword. "Heh, heh, heh…"

"Please don't kill me! I'll sue!" tried the boss, but Link went crazy with it.

_Slash! Slash! Slash! Slash! __**Slash!**_

**Two weeks later…**

Link entered the courtroom, grumbling to himself. He was forced down, and then the bailiff called, "all rise to judge Valoo!" Everyone in the courtroom obliged, and the humongous dragon somehow squeezed himself through the tiny doorway, and onto his pedestal. "All right," he said, "where is the plaintiff?"

"For the last time," hollered Link, "I killed him! He was a giant monster!" The crowd gasped in horror, with Link glancing around, confused.

"You _killed _the plaintiff?!" exclaimed the honorable judge Valoo.

"Yeah! He was a giant monster, for crying out loud!" Link repeated. The audience was dead silent.

"Well, then, I guess the lawsuit is off…" Link shouted with glee. "However…you are going to court for murder!"

"What the-" Before he could even express his language, he was ushered away by the bailiff.

_Link was sent back to court, and given the death penalty three months later for first degree murder of an innocent deku baba. The day after Ganondorf took over the Great Sea, and no one ever saw light again._

_The End._

Well, how did you like it? I hope I can manage longer chapters, however... read and review please! By the way, Link's going to kill me for writing this...


	2. Helmaroc King

Hello! LocalTalent53 here. Here's the next chapter! It's another Wind Waker chapter, by the way. I'll try to see if I can get up a Twilight Princess one up next. Sorry, this one's short too.

Disclaimer: All characters are copyright by Nintendo and its respected companies.

Boss Battles Gone Wrong!

Boss 2: Armored Helmaroc King

Link scurried up the tower, dodging the Helmaroc King's head as it lurched forward, attempting to smite him. He smacked the Bokoblin out of the way, and climbed up onto the roof of the tower. The ceiling began closing in, and Link cheered. "Take that, you stupid bird!" he shouted. He began dancing.

Suddenly, the Helmaroc King burst through the small opening right before it snapped shut. Its shrill cry filled the empty air overhead.

"Ha! You think you're so smart, screaming at me, but I know your weakness." The overgrown Kargarok stared intently at him. Link continued. "All I have to do is get you to try and peck me, as to where you will get your beak stuck in the roof, and then I'll smash your head with the skull hammer. Then, I'll simply repeat the process three more times, to which the mask will break and then I'll defeat you with the Master Sword. What do you think of that?" The Helmaroc King thought for a moment, then landed. "Come to accept defeat, have you? I knew it, you chicken-"

"ARMOR UP!" hollered the Kargarok, and suddenly it began glowing. Link had to close his eyes. When he opened them, he stared in awe. The Helmaroc King now had full body armor!

"What do you think of ME now?" mocked the Kargarok. Link trembled in fear and backed up, almost into the spikes. In the process, he fell over. "I thought so. Now, prepare to meet your doom!" The monster bird flapped his armored wings, but could not lift himself up. "Oh no! I'm too heavy!" It tried to take off one last time, and became airborne for a full three seconds before plummeting towards the concrete below. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Crash!

Link got back up and brushed himself off. "Well, that was easy." He grabbed the heart container, struck a victory pose, and then turned and walked straight into a spike, taking away all his hearts.

_Game Over_

_The End_

Well, what did you think? Read and review, please!


	3. Bongo Bongo

Hello! LocalTalent53 here, with an Ocarina of Time chapter this time! Until I get more poll votes, I might take a bit longer to update. Any one I choose to do will be erased from the poll.

Anyway, to the story. This one is still short, but nonetheless enjoyable. I hope someone really enjoys these writings.

Disclaimer: All characters and places are copyright by Nintendo and its respected companies. Man, when it's the eleventh time writing it, this disclaimer can get on your nerves.

Boss Battles Gone Wrong!

Boss 3: Bongo Bongo Beat

In stepped Link, and then, he fell, fell, fell onto a giant drum. The room was dark and desolate.

"All right, time to kill a boss!" exclaimed Link, and he drew his sword. However, nothing approached. "Where are you, dreaded creature that I must face to awaken the Sage of Shadow? I don't see anyone!"

"Hey!" It was Navi.

"No! Not now, Navi! I'm trying to find the boss of the Shadow Temple!"

"Hey listen!"

"I said, not now Navi!" Link was getting agitated.

"Hey, listen! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey…" and so on. It went on for a couple minutes before Link couldn't take it anymore.

"WHAT?" he hollered.

"Try putting on the Lens of Truth!" Link did the anime-style fall, and quickly stood back up.

"Duh! I'm such an idiot!" And so, Link equipped the Lens of Truth to see…Bongo Bongo floating in front of him! "Gah! Oh my Goddesses!" Bongo Bongo floated closer and beat the drum once with his mammoth hand. The single beat shook Link like jell-O.

"Yikes! Maybe I should equip my new Pegasus Boots. They came from this dank dungeon, so maybe, just maybe they'll get me out." Link equipped the Pegasus Boots, and Bongo Bongo beat the drum again. This time, however, thanks to the Pegasus Boots, Link fell over, and could not get up as the phantom shadow beast continuously pounded the drum, never stopping. "S-stop it! N-no f-fair!" But no matter how much Link protested, on the drums pounded. And they pounded for a long time.

_Eighty years later…_

Link sighed. He was now ninety-seven. "When I manage to stand up, I'll kill you, you little whippersnapper!" He was obviously referring to Bongo Bongo. However, if he hadn't run out of magic fifty years ago, he would have noticed that Bongo Bongo died ten years ago…the sad thing was, Link was too old to realize that the beast wasn't beating the drum.

Silence filled the room. Suddenly, Navi broke the silence. "Hey listen!" Silence. Navi began screaming. "Hey listen! Hey listen! Hey listen! Hey listen! Hey listen! Hey listen!"

Link never answered. He had just died of old age. Navi screeched on faster and faster until she exploded.

_And so, a century later, Link, a native from Ordon Village, found the Shadow Temple and discovered the bones of the Hero of Time. He laughed his pants off._

_The end._

Well, how did you like it? If you don't like the poll system, you could always suggest a boss in a review! Read and review, please! (I don't seem to have many of them!)


End file.
